i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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