cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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