I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
