WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
