we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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