Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
