I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
