My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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