that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
