She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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