If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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