I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
