I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
sex in a hospital.. check
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Randomize
