I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize