took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
