dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize