My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
