Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
