A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
