Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
