hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
