so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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