Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
