Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
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