Sry I called you an 8
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
