This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
