somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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