wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
