ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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