Say something about gay babies.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
