i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize