It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
