do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
