we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So squirting runs in the family.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize