Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
