why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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