I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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