if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
