6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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