I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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