I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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