I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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