The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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