i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize