Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
