After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
