she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
