So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
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