Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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