oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize