no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
