FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
