I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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