I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
