Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
