Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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