I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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