Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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