She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
