Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
