I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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