I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
