You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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