woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
