you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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