im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize
