I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
