I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
