Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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