mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
