Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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