Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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