I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
