I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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